July 30, 2010 Things I've Learned Sometimes people will move things just to mess with your head. I had an old girl friend, Michele, who was an actress on Broadway and when I was in New York visiting her, I'd have to kill two or three hours everyday while she was working. (You can only watch the same musical so many times.) Wandering around one day I found an Irish pub just off Broadway that sold Guinness at a reasonable price (by Big Apple standards) so I spent some quality time there. Years later I was back in New York for New Years Eve 2000 so I went looking for the place. It was gone. The whole block was gone...demolished. I was bummed but a short while later I saw an Irish pub down a side street and went there. I kept getting a weird déjà vu feeling and told the bartender the place reminded me a lot of the other place I used to go. He said, "There's a reason for that. This is that bar. We had to move the whole thing when they bought out our block." Something similar happened here. I always used to fill up with gas at the Arco at 12 and Peninsula. I pulled in one day, got off my bike and turned to grab the nozzle before I noticed all the pumps were gone. Funny...they were there when I filled up the week before. That was weird...but not as weird as the time I got back from vacation and my place of employment was gone. When I first came to Erie I worked at the original Jet radio, which was on the AM band. When I got back from that vacation and got within range I punched my preset for Jet and some other station came on. It turned out that while I was gone they had purchased an FM frequency and moved Jet over there. Maybe they were hoping I wouldn't find it. Ha! I showed them. Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM

July 30, 2010 Self Conscious? According to "Fitness" magazine, nearly 25% of women admit they have avoided intimacy at one time or another because they felt uncomfortable with how their body looked. Also: - If given the hypothetical choice of losing their jobs or gaining 75 pounds, 54% of men and 58% of women would rather be standing in the unemployment line. - Would you rather be thin and poor or overweight and rich as all get out? 63% of women and 55% of men opted for a skinny body and a lean checkbook. - 75% of men and 80% of women would not give up 20 IQ points to get the perfect body. However, 17% of men and 11% of women would at least consider such a tradeoff; of those, 7% of men and 5% of women admit they would do it in a heartbeat. - 27% of women say they'd rather get their wisdom teeth pulled than shop for a swimsuit. - What's the one body part we most want to change? That would be the abdominal muscles for 36% of women and 48% of men. - The body parts we most like? For 42% of men and 27% of women it's their arms, while 24% of women and 12% of men say it's their derrieres. Posted by Warvel at 2:00 AM

July 29, 2010 Things I've Learned Birds of a feather seek each other out. I walked into the Plymouth yesterday after work and one of the waitresses immediately quizzed me. She had a disagreement with another waitress about how that girl asked diners if everything was okay. So as soon as I got there she said, "If a waitress brought you your food and said, 'Did everything come out all right,' how would you respond? I said, "I'm afraid I won't know that for a while...probably tomorrow morning." She practically yelled, "Thank you!" I have some weird friends. Posted by Warvel at 10:00 AM

July 29, 2010 Looks Like You Were Wrong, Ladies! According to "Men's Health," these are what guys cited as the most important physical traits a woman can possess: - Pretty face: 39% - Sweet smile: 18% - Nice butt: 16% - Flat stomach: 8% - Forever-long legs: 5% - Large breasts: 4% - Beautiful hair: 3% - Other: 6% (Um, what exactly is "other?") Posted by Warvel at 2:00 AM

July 28, 2010 Things I've Learned Life flows full circle. When Levi was still a kid...I can't remember his age but it was surprisingly young...he figured out I have the memory of a gnat. We were at the mall and I ran into someone I knew. She said, "Oh, is this Levi?" and I was like, "Yeah. Yeah, that's Levi." After we chatted for a few minutes Levi and I started walking and he said, "Daddy, you couldn't remember her name could you?" Surprised, I said, "That's right. How did you know?" He said, "If you remembered her name you would have introduced her to me." I was impressed...and I quickly followed up with, "And don't forget that." Fast forward to this year's Roar On The Shore. I stopped in the Plymouth after all the bikes came down in the parade and saw a couple I knew sitting in one of the booths. Levi was working that day and he came up and said something to me while I was chatting with them. I could see they were wondering, so I said, "Yep. That's my son." They expressed the usual surprise that he was all grown up and then we settled into a moment of uncomfortable silence. Apparently I never told Levi he's free to say something like, "Dad doesn't have any social skills. It's nice to meet you...what's your names?" (Actually, I remembered the wife's name but for some reason I was drawing a blank on the husband.) Levi just said, "I'd better get back to work." A short while later I ran into a woman I used to work with and we got to talking about how much things have changed. Levi was at a nearby table and I said, "You mean like that?" She said, "What?" I said, "That's Levi." He looked over as she said, "Oh my God, that's Levi?" Realizing I did it again, I was like, "Yep, yep, yep. That's the fruit of my loins." He just smiled and walked away shaking his head. Her name finally did come to me some time later...Jessica. How am I supposed to remember something like that? Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM

July 28, 2010 A Rose By Any Other Name Ever notice how Jessica is always grumpy and in a bad mood and I'm always positive, upbeat and happy? Psychologist Dr. David Holmes of Britain's Manchester Metropolitan University claims people's personalities change to fit the name their parents gave them. (I think he might be wrong.) - Top 10 happiest women's names (in order from one to ten): Judy, Stephanie, Linda, Pam, Pat, Fiona, Paula, Susan, Isobel, Vicky. - Top 10 happiest men's names: Joshua, Jason, Matthew, Terry, Barry, Stan, Ian, CRAIG, Nigel, Christopher. - Top 10 unhappiest women's names: Lynn, Charlotte, Tina, Amy, Tara, Sam, Alex, Tanya, JESSICA, Olivia. - Top 10 unhappiest men's names: Ben, Andrew, Edward, Tim, Owen, Bob, Dennis, Ray, Alfie, Jeremy. Posted by Warvel at 2:00 AM

July 27, 2010 Things I've Learned If you don't have time to do something right, don't do it at all. I sure have learned that over the years. Why waste your time and others? And once you accept something like that as true, you always embrace it...no exceptions. Oh, I'm late for an appointment...gotta go. Posted by Warvel at 10:00 AM

July 27, 2010 Be Careful According to researchers at Carnegie Mellon University, more fatal car accidents occur at 2am than any other time of the day. The safest time to drive is 8am weekdays at the height of rush hour. Here's more: - A cautious 82-year-old woman is more likely to die in a car crash than a risk-taking 16-year-old boy. - But right behind those little old ladies are young male drivers, ages 16-23 who have fatality rates four times higher than average. - New England is the safest region for all drivers. - The safest passenger is a baby or toddler secured in a car seat during the morning rush hour. - The safest vehicle is a school bus or van. - The most dangerous vehicle is a motorcycle. - The safest driving day is Wednesday. - The most dangerous driving day is Saturday. - The safest driving month is February. - The deadliest driving month is October. - The driver with the lowest risk of death is tied between someone who is 40 or 50 years old. Posted by Warvel at 2:00 AM

July 26, 2010 Things I've Learned People sure like to talk to motorcyclists. Usually they tie it in with the weather, "Good day to be riding, huh?" I'm never sure how to respond. I want to say, "Are you kidding? I got stuck in this sunny warmness by accident," but I usually just say, "Yep." I know weather is a common denominator people use to establish a connection with a stranger, but it's usually said in a way that's trying to indicate, "Yeah, I know that because I: A. Used to ride. B. Wished I rode. C. Like to think I have the spirit of a biker even though I'm more likely to go rogue by buying a PT Cruiser." I think its nice people are trying to establish a rapport, it's just that we hear that A LOT. Still, it's better than the people who decide you need to be told motorcycles can be dangerous. These are always people who clearly never swung a leg over anything more than a bicycle but they feel the need to solemnly tell you that you can get hurt riding a motorcycle "but it's usually the other guy's fault." Believe me; all bikers are aware that many if not most car drivers aren't really paying attention to their driving and those around them. They're in their little cocoons. But the people who bring this up present it like it's a revelation to you and perhaps even expect you to thank them. To be honest, the really good bikers consider any mishap their own mistake on some level. It may well be the other driver's fault according to the law, but that doesn't help your broken leg and ribs or bring back your life. Ultimately we have to take partial blame for not recognizing and reacting fast enough to an impending problem in order to prevent or avoid it. Once you have that mind set you're more likely to live to be an old biker. Perhaps the people who feel they need to warn you are actually trying to say they think you're an idiot. It's like me walking up to a stranger and saying, "Yeah. You know the sun is great and I like to look at it once in a while, but if you stare non-stop you can go blind. Yep, I just thought you should know that." Thanks. Posted by Warvel at 10:00 AM

July 26, 2010 What Group Are You In? According to Careerbuilder.com: Firstborn: Personality: Firstborns are ambitious, assertive, dominant and disciplined compared with their younger siblings. They're determined to succeed yet fearful of losing position and rank, and are defensive about errors and mistakes. Compensation: A recent survey by CareerBuilder.com found that workers who were the firstborn child in their families were more likely to earn $100,000 or more annually compared with their siblings. Professions: The oldest tend to pursue vocations that require higher education, like medicine, engineering or law. Ohio State University researchers found firstborn children were more likely to pursue "intellectual" jobs. Middle: Personality: Middle children are good at negotiation, peacemaking and compromise. They are easygoing and diplomatic and are usually closer to friends than family. Compensation: More middle children identified themselves as earning $35,000 or less per year than firstborn or youngest children, according to the CareerBuilder.com survey. Professions: Middles tend to have excellent negotiating and people skills -- anything that employs these skills is a great fit. Youngest: Personality: Youngest children love the limelight and are used to sitting in it. They are charming and creative, have a good sense of humor and manipulate others when they want to get their way. Compensation: Last borns were the least likely to report earning six figures, according to the CareerBuilder.com survey. Professions: Youngest children often gravitate toward artistic and outdoor jobs, according to the OSU survey. They're also successful in journalism, advertising, sales and athletics. Only children: Only children are similar to firstborns in that they are motivated to conform to parental expectations. They are also achievement-oriented and successful in school and have problems delegating work. Research shows they are more confident, articulate and imaginative than other children. They also hate criticism and tend to be perfectionists. Twins: Because of their equal status in terms of their age -- and, if they're identical, their genes -- twins are usually treated the same and turn out similarly. They tend to have different personalities and interests, but are closer to each other than other siblings and tend to have less conflict with each other than other siblings. Posted by Warvel at 2:00 AM

July 23, 2010 Things I've Learned I understand the importance of zoos in helping to breed endangered species and as small zoos go, Erie has a very good one. But I also feel bad for some of the species...like gorillas. They're an animal that seems to like their privacy...they don't bother you if you don't bother them...and they're intelligent. My heart broke at a zoo in Germany where there was a nice glass-enclosed circular, outdoor display area for the gorillas. There was lots of room and it was designed to look like natural habitat, but the lone male gorilla inside sat with his back to the glass and would periodically look over his shoulder as if to say, quit staring at me! If people got right up against the glass he would suddenly bolt straight at them, fling himself into the air and pound the glass inches away from them with his hands and feet. I'm not sure if he was doing to that shoo them away or just because it had to be fun to scare the crap out of the tourists. What stuck with me, though, was the feeling that this proud creature just wanted everyone to stop staring. So...have you ever seen our studio in the Boston Store window? Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM

July 23, 2010 Are You Rude? John Hopkins University came up with this list of the top rude behaviors: - Using cell phones or text messaging in mid-conversation. - Erratic/aggressive driving that endangers others. - Taking credit for someone else's work. - Treating service providers as inferiors. - Jokes or remarks that mock another's race/gender/age/sexual preference or religion. - Children who behave aggressively or who bully others. - Littering (including trash, spitting, pet waste.) - Misuse of handicapped privileges. - Smoking in non-smoking places or smoking in front of non-smokers without asking. Posted by Warvel at 2:00 AM

July 22, 2010 Wanna Drink? According to "Men's Health," this is the breakdown of what Americans drink daily: - 72% bottled water. - 62% soft drinks. - 61% milk. - 61% coffee. - 51% fruit juices. - 31% black tea. - 17% vegetable juices. - 15% green tea. - 14% beer. - 10% cocktails or hard liquor. Posted by Warvel at 2:00 AM

July 21, 2010 Things I've Learned Doing things the "right way" has never come naturally for me. But I think that when it comes to quitting smoking, you've got to find what works for you. My way isn't recommended, but I thought I'd share it with you anyway. I didn't start smoking (cigarettes) until I was old enough to know better. I was out of college and someone had left a half pack at my apartment. I was bored and decided to find out what the big deal was. I lit one and was surprised to experience that little head rush a new smoker gets. I've always been rather quick to embrace new vices so when I found myself in a convenience store a few days later, standing in front of a cigarette display, I knew that if I bought a pack I'd be hooked. That's the first time my smoker's logic kicked in, "aw, you'll be fine. You can quit whenever you want to." I smoked ALOT for the next 20-some years until my doctor said I had developed emphysema. Now I get winded by just thinking hard. I tried the patch twice but it seems to me they're a bad approach because they fool you into feeling like you quit when you haven't gone through any real withdrawal yet. You're already past your strong determination phase when the nicotine dosage goes down so it's easier to go back. People don't like to hear it but I really believe cold turkey is the best way. It's no fun, but there's a little thing you can do to help you get through it. Each time that urge hits you...and it's every few minutes at the beginning...you just have to remind yourself that it'll pass. You just have to tough it out through that one...and the thousands that will follow. All the while, remind yourself that your body is well on its way to cleaning itself out in the first three days. After that, it's more habit than physical urge. In other words, you're used to automatically lighting up when you wake up, when you drink coffee, etc. That's why you suck hard candy like a sugar-rushed kid at Halloween. It gives you something else to do instead of lighting up. What worked for me was doing it while I was on vacation. It's not a fun vacation, but when I don't feel well I want to be alone. You're easily irritated during withdrawal so it's better to not be around loved ones and co-workers. Now here's where my approach differs from "the experts." In fact, I'm sure they'd strongly advise against this, but it worked for me. I drank a lot! Everyone I tell that to says, "Oh, I couldn't do that! I want to smoke more when I'm drinking." I used to, too, but for some reason when I was determined to quit I didn't think about cigarettes as much when I was drinking. Plus, I ended up sleeping a lot more and the more time I spent unconscious the less time I had to spend fighting the urges. Despite whatever approach works for you, understand that you'll continue to think about smoking for a long time. I truly believe I'm done now forever but when I see someone smoking in a movie I find myself missing it and I haven't smoked for over 3 or 4 years now. Also understand that you're not likely to give it up for good in just one try. The first time going cold turkey I didn't smoke for two years. Ironically I started again during a vacation because I was bored...there wasn't even an overwhelming urge to light up again...I just missed it. The second time I went cold turkey I lasted two months before that 'ol smoker's logic kicked in again, "It's okay to start again, Craig...you already know you can quit now." I tell people I kinda cheated by getting emphysema 'cuz it's easier to quit when you have trouble just breathing, but the last time I quit I just suddenly felt I made it and established in my brain that I'm not going back. Anyone who says stuff like, "When I try to quit everyone tells me to start again because I turn into such a monster" is just making excuses. It's hard, it's uncomfortable and it takes time but it's not impossible and it's certainly not excruciating. Man up. Good luck. It's like giving yourself a big, fat raise. Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM

July 21, 2010 Your Loved Ones Are Ignoring You At least when you call their cell phones. The most frequently ignored incoming calls are from loved ones. A British study came up with the top 10 reasons for not answering: 1. Did not hear the ring. 2. Driving. 3. Feeding a pet. 4. Unable to speak. 5. Busy in the bathroom. 6. Can't find the cell phone. 7. In a meeting. 8. Didn't recognize the number. 9. Not in the mood to answer. 10. Others might overhear. Posted by Warvel at 2:00 AM

July 20, 2010 Things I've Learned Most people don't understand poison ivy is an allergy and not "contagious." You'll only break out with it if you are allergic to poison ivy and you get the plant's sap on you. I believe that's about 7 or 8 out of every 10 people and it can be an allergic reaction you didn't always have. I used to brag how I never got poison ivy so that's probably why karma came after me with a vengeance about three years ago. The first time I broke out I didn't even know what it was and I went to my doctor. Now at the first itch I just go, "Oh crap." Unfortunately Warvel State Park is crawling with the stuff and I failed to notice a poison ivy plant had disguised itself inside a tall hedge I was trimming a week or so ago. I had no shirt on so the sap spread under both my arms and then I apparently smeared it on both my sides. The thing is...it's several days before you break out so the sap is long gone but people still look at your open, festering sores like they're poison ivy pools that might splash on them. After a remote appearance last weekend my co-worker Chris and I were tearing down our equipment and he said he could get the rest and it appeared that he was going to shake my hand. I went to shake his and he suddenly hesitated and pulled back slightly. I thought, "Oh, isn't that cute. He just tore down the tent and his hands are dirty so he didn't want to shake my hand." But he was staring at my arms and said, "Uh, I don't want to catch that." I said, "You can only get it from the plant's sap! I'm not contagious," and then I shook his hand. I turned and started walking toward my bike and stopped and yelled back, "No wait, you're right...you can get it from some one who has open sores. I forgot." I think people appreciate it when you give them something to think about. That's why I like to strike up a conversation with a stranger and tell them how I'm kinda bummed because I just got diagnosed with leprosy...then move a little closer. Ya gotta make yer own fun! Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM

July 20, 2010 Your Body Is Telling You Something According to "Glamour," different cravings mean different things: - Salty or greasy food -- It could mean you're slightly dehydrated. "Salt holds water in," says Glassman. "Your body may be trying to hang onto the fluids it's got." Aim for eight glasses of water a day. - Candy or chocolate -- It could mean you need protein. Without its slow releasing energy, your body will try to get a quick fix to boost blood sugar. Try a cup of yogurt it has 24 percent of your daily protein total. - Bread or pasta -- It could mean you don't eat enough. Starches are already partially broken down, so your body knows carbs will give it energy fast. Be sure to eat at least 1,200 calories a day. Posted by Warvel at 2:00 AM

July 19, 2010 Things I've Learned Don't be afraid of striking up a conversation with an older stranger. The stereotype, of course, is that it'll be a long-winded, repetitious lecture about how good you youngin's have it and how tough it used to be. That might be true in some cases but I believe I've found the key to finding the interesting ones. They all, without exception, have a mischievous twinkle in their eyes. This is coming to mind now because of a guy I hung out with for a little while over the weekend. Actually, he probably isn't much older than me but he had gray hair and that aura of having lived a lot of life...you know, weathered skin and a battered cowboy hat...and just one leg. And he definitely had that twinkle going. Perhaps you caught me talking about him on the show this morning. He's the guy I had mentioned a year or so ago after seeing him yank his fake leg off and put it on the bar at the Lakeside in Waterford. This weekend though, his daughter busted me when I sat down on the patio near them and informed Dad that this was the guy who had talked about his fake leg on the radio. That prompted the whole group of them to reminisce about other leg stories. You know you've stumbled on a fun group when someone says, "Hey what ever happened to your leg with the naked lady on it?" (He had gotten it airbrushed, like a tattoo.) Then there was the story about the group of college co-eds who took off with his leg, thinking it wasn't really being used by anyone...not to mention his plan to make an end table out of four of his older legs. (He's on his 5th.) I believe that twinkle comes from having a lifetime of experiences...and not all of them good...but always keeping a sense of humor about them. Trust me. Seek those people out. At the very least you'll be entertained and maybe you'll learn something. Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM

July 19, 2010 Don't Give Your Guy $5,000 "Stuff" magazine asked guys how they would blow $5,000 if they had to do it in just two hours. This is where they'd head: - 38% said the nearest mall. - 30% said a strip club. - 19% said Home Depot. - 13% said an airport. Posted by Warvel at 1:30 AM

July 16, 2010 Things I've Learned Apparently my first radio boss back in Corning was a head of his time. I thought of him today because I was just reading about research in Spain that indicated that when something upsets you go ahead and blow your stack because getting hot under the collar is good for you. Dean was really good at that. There were times when he was yelling at me that it seemed surreal and I couldn't hear anything that he was shouting at me a foot away because I was so focused on the large vein on the side of his reddened neck that looked like it might burst and spurt blood like a Quentin Tarantino movie. Among the many things I learned from that man was a strong work ethic. You were too afraid not to work long and hard. But he was unpredictable. For every time he exploded and went off on someone, there were just as many times he'd share a moment with an employee and make 'em feel special. Then you wanted to work hard for him just because you wanted to please him. You just weren't sure which you were going to get. Late one afternoon I heard him yelling from his office, "Warvel! Get in here right now!" I was convinced I was in trouble for something but then he added, "And bring two paper cups!" Huh? Now I was just confused. But I grabbed the cups, went in and he growled, "Shut the door!" I was back to convinced I was about to get a new orifice when he suddenly reached down, pulled a bottle of scotch out of his desk and filled up the paper cups. He said, "Craig, I worry about you sometimes. You never get angry. You never let it out. I do that all the time." I stammered, "Uh, yea...yeah, Dean, I know that." He continued, "I think it's good to let it all out. You feel better when you're done. It's unhealthy to keep it inside." We continued to chat and finished our paper cups full of scotch. Actually, we might have had another one, but I remember the "meeting" ending after I promised to try and be angrier. I do let it out once in a while, but I'm usually by myself. I do think you can hurt yourself by keeping things inside too much, but everything has to be balanced...otherwise, Mel Gibson would be the healthiest man on the planet. Posted by Warvel at 10:00 AM

July 16, 2010 Who Should You Date? "Cosmopolitan" says these guys look like a good catch...at first: - Adrenaline Junkie -- This dude skydives, surfs, runs with the bulls anything for the rush. And he has the sick abs and chiseled arms to prove it. But to keep him happy, you need to be in perpetual motion, too. This guy does not like to sit on his butt and he doesn't like for you to sit on yours either. And it isn't just a phase. In his late 30s, he'll get into marathons, and they'll lead to triathlons and eventually to the Ironman competition. Yeah, that means a trip to Hawaii but instead of chilling on the beach, you'll be cheering him on from the sidelines. Having fun yet? - Nice Guy With a Chip on His Shoulder -- He'll ridicule the "tools who are trying too hard" with bold clothing choices to seem down-to-earth, but here's his dirty little secret: He spends just as much time picking out his outfit as his more fashion-conscious counterparts do. Under the casual exterior is a calculating killjoy with mom issues. He'll stand at the bar, thinking 'Why is that girl going for that dude over there? One day, she'll come to her senses and get with a nice guy like me!' The truth is, he's so preoccupied with being overlooked that he'd be totally oblivious to your attention. - Smooth Operator -- He's the type that rolls up to the club in an Escalade and holds court in the VIP section, ordering bottle service all night. Though he got Ds in high school, he now scores A, B, and C cups with entertaining small talk and name-dropping. Yeah, he's a Casanova in a skull cap, it replaced his trucker hat about a year ago. But this lid spells trouble. It takes confidence to pull it off with a straight face, too much confidence. There "is" such a thing. He'll shower you with attention, but beware: You may not be the only chick in that shower. - Workaholic Hotshot -- This guy is always dressed to the nines, because he's loaded. Simmer down, the cash flow comes at a price. He toils until the wee hours, then loosens his tie and parties like there's no tomorrow. Unfortunately, there is tomorrow, and it starts in like three hours. What little time he has for you will be shared with his BlackBerry. The ugly truth: Money is the love of his life, and you're just a mistress or second mistress, since he's probably crunching more than numbers with his secretary. Posted by Warvel at 2:00 AM

July 15, 2010 Even Manly Men Cry But we're selective. Here's what a "Men's Health" online poll found out: - 33% said the death of a pet will make them weep. - 20% said that crying is for girls. - 16% said the birth of a child will do it. - 15% said being dumped. - 8% said sad movies. - 6% said physical pain. (Especially if it puts you in the fetal position.) - 2% said weddings. Posted by Warvel at 2:00 AM

July 14, 2010 Things I've Learned So much of who we are is tied to things from the past. And if you're lucky, those things can be passed on to younger generations. Of course, my family is a little strange, so our things tend to be a little odd. My parents are preparing to sell their house and much of their belongings so they can move into an assisted living facility. A couple of weekends ago my sisters and I went home to collect anything we might like to keep in the family. One of the things now hanging on my living room wall is a tin map holder from my Grandpa Warvel's shop. I already had huge "Goodyear" and "Beechnut Chewing Tobacco" steel signs that used to be on the outside of the garage. Now they're reunited with the "Marathon Oil" map display. The cool thing about it is the maps are still in it...the oldest dates back to 1935. It's a hoot to look at an old map of Pennsylvania and there isn't a single four lane highway. No I-90, no I-79. It looks like route 20 used to be the major east/west corridor through here. I also brought back my old BB gun and that's hanging on the wall like a big game trophy rifle. Levi said, "Is that your BB gun from when you were a kid?" I said, "It's more than that. That's the very BB gun that your grandparents wouldn't let me get until I took a gun safety course...and then I shot my buddy, Lamont Carpenter's front tooth out with it." It's a great feeling to pass something important down to your child. Some day he'll proudly be telling his kids, "That's the very BB gun your irresponsible Grandpa used to shoot his best friend's tooth out with." And that, my friends, is how legends are born. Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM

July 14, 2010 Guys, We've Been Thrown Under The Bus! "Stuff" magazine shared our secret turn-ons: - He loves that you indulge at dinnertime. Guys love girls who love to eat -- not girls who say they aren't hungry and then pick at their date's food all night. - He loves your occasional obscenities. You may worry that it's not ladylike, but occasionally letting a curse escape your lips at an unexpected moment can be a major turn-on. (Unless you swear like Jessica. Sometimes I'm not even sure if she's swearing.) - He loves that you aren't a neat freak. Believe it or not, guys find the proliferation of hair products, accessories and unidentified stuff strewn about your apartment oddly sexy. - He loves your extra padding. Sure, you've heard that men love women with curves, but how about those extra pounds you've been trying to sweat off at the gym? There's a good chance that your guy loves them, too. - He's fascinated by your knowledge of medieval tapestries. Or whatever it is that gets you all hot and bothered -- whether or not he shares the same interests. - He loves a good head rub from you. Don't get me wrong -- men love it when you grope their erogenous zones. But that's not the only type of touch they crave. Posted by Warvel at 2:00 AM

July 13, 2010 Things I've Learned It really doesn't take much to make a big difference in someone else's life. I'm thinking of our friend, Joanie. If you've heard us do the birthday wishes in the morning you've probably noticed someone named Joanie has a ton of relatives. She does. Joanie is a special person. She's sixty-something and lives with her 90-something parents. At the beginning of each month she gives me a list of all the birthdays in her family that month ranging from her parents down to great nieces and nephews...oh, and anniversary's, too. When she's giving them to me she rattles through 'em kind of fast and sometimes I don't understand if she said Julie or Judy. If I ask more than once she gets a little perturbed. If I forget to announce one, we get busted the next day. She gets a little upset but graciously accepts a belated shout-out. Each call ends with her asking me, "Will you tell Levi I said hi?" Then she asks Jessica to say hi to everyone in her life as well. Never mind that she hasn't met any of these people...she just doesn't want anyone to be left out. Joanie makes a difference in many people's lives because she doesn't just call us. She calls every jock at least once each day and at more than one radio station. Some of them don't have much patience and don't always take a moment to chat with her. I feel sorry for them. I've probably talked with Joanie just about every work day for well over 25 years. Sure, her timing isn't always the best and sometimes you're in a bad mood but it's a big part of her life...and it really doesn't take much. Posted by Warvel at 10:00 AM

July 13, 2010 Heading For Divorce? I'm not sure how they came up with these, but Thedailybeast.com released the circumstances that make it more likely: - If you're a woman who got married before the age of eighteen. - If you're a woman who wants a child -- either a first child or an additional child -- much more strongly than your spouse does. - If you have two daughters. - If you're a man with high basal testosterone. - If your child has been diagnosed with ADHD. - If you're a dancer or choreographer, or an animal trainer. - If you are currently married but have cohabited with a lover other than your current spouse. - If you didn't smile for photographs early in life. - If your child has died after the twentieth week of pregnancy, during labor, or soon after labor. - If you're a woman who has recently been diagnosed with cancer or multiple sclerosis. - If you're a woman and you're separated from your spouse. Posted by Warvel at 2:00 AM

July 12, 2010 Things I've Learned The things you have where you live become much more special the farther away you go. For instance, in upstate New York we drank Genny Cream Ale a lot. It wasn't because it was special. It was because it was cheap. People made fun of it and said things like, "Have you ever seen the Genesee River?" (It was a bit on the...um, murky side.) But when I was in western Ohio and dropped in on an old childhood friend, he decided it was time to celebrate and since it was a special occasion he bought some Genny Cream Ale. Apparently it's a delicacy over there. To be fair, it's not a bad beer, but we took it for granted. I thought perhaps that was an isolated incident but on the weekend of the 4th I went home to Corning, New York to visit my family. Driving down Market Street I went by my old favorite watering hole, which used to be called Wet Goods, so I found myself in some old stomping grounds and feeling like a stranger. I ordered up a Guinness and while sipping that I saw their list of beers they stock and was surprised to see Erie Brewing's Rail Bender was available. I told the kid bartending how I grew up in Corning but have lived in Erie for about 28 years and how it was cool to see they had Rail Bender in my hometown. That's when he said, "Yeah, we're expanding our list of exotic beers." I love Erie, but I can't say I've ever considered it exotic. Definitely weird, but not exotic. I briefly thought about regaling him with weird stories from the far away exotic land of Erie, PA but he already had that blank look younger people get when an older stranger is talking. Probably the same glazed look you're getting about now. Its okay, I'm done. Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM

July 2, 2010 Hey, Did It Get Quieter? I'm off. At least that's what some people say. Oh, and I won't be back at work until Monday 7/12. Talk amongst yourselves. Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM

July 2, 2010 Are You A Psycho Ex? "Cosmo" says these are the clues: - When your ex asks for his stuff back, you say, "You know how to use eBay, right?" - You've published a pamphlet to distribute to his future girlfriends entitled "What to Expect When You're Dating Scum." - You continue to send his parents cards on special occasions. - You daydream about your ex becoming quite successful and famous so one day you can go to the tabloids with all the embarrassing stuff you know about him. - It's not uncommon for you to skip social engagements so you can stay home and cut up old photos of you and him. - You've mapped out a new running route that takes you around his block eight times. - He has a restraining order against you, as do his new girlfriend and his sister. - While you were dating, he told you his password is always his dog's name - and now you use that info to check his e-mail in-box, voice messages, and what he's been buying from Amazon.com. - You refer to him as "the force of evil." - You send a picture of him with his address to the Department of Homeland Security, with no explanation. Posted by Warvel at 2:00 AM

July 1, 2010 Things I've Learned I used to think people were willing to get into a scuffle for me just because they didn't mind a little dust-up but now I think they conclude I'm incapable of protecting yourself. I first experienced this in my early teens. Each summer we'd go visit Grandma Warvel in Palestine, Ohio at the same time The Great Darke County Fair was going on in nearby Greenville. I was actually staying on the fairgrounds in a camper with my buddy, Richard. At some point that week, I met Loretta. We became an "item" or as much as you actually do at that age. One night while walking around the midway holding hands her previous boyfriend showed up and was not at all happy. He was a big, corn-fed Midwestern boy and apparently he was hard of hearing because he was talking loudly about two inches from my face. Okay, I think he was yelling because one doesn't normally spit that much by just talking loudly. Anyway, I was thinking I was about to start hurting when all of a sudden a small group of guys stepped in and told him if he wanted to fight, they'd be happy to. They were some of Richard's friends that I had only met in passing. Nice guys! The next time this phenomenon occurred was during my brief bartending career at the Waterford Hotel. I had just started dating one of the waitresses and her ex-lover and father of her children showed up. He was a guy who also thought punching another man was a good substitute for an intelligent conversation. At some point I went into the men's room and while I'm standing at the urinal he came in and started telling me I should stay away from her. I was politely pointing out that since he was married to someone else he really didn't have a say in her business when suddenly about 3 or 4 guys were milling around in there. I was getting irritated because I like a little peace and quiet when I'm in a bathroom and it was getting crowded. Well it turned out all those other guys saw him follow me in there and just showed up as back-up for me. Nice guys! Then it happened. Another night at the Hotel shortly before I would be closing for the night, a couple of guys and a woman came in and the biggest guy...the scary one with the scars...started telling me how he just got out of Rockview prison after six years. Oh boy. That's when one of my only two other customers asked me if I wanted HER to stay. Hey, she was a corrections officer at the prison in Cambridge Springs! She knew how to make people hit the floor fast. When I said sure, it would be nice if she stayed it had nothing to do with the fact that she was probably stronger and meaner than me. Posted by Warvel at 10:00 AM

July 1, 2010 Thank God For Maxim Without that fine publication we wouldn't know what to do if approached by a hot woman or a bear: - Don't panic...with either a hot woman or a bear. - Speak in a calm voice and wave arms so that you can be identified as a human with both a hot woman or a bear. - Avoid making direct eye-contact with both a hot woman or a bear. - Offer it food but only to the hot woman, never to a bear. - If it charges, stand your ground and hit it with your backpack but only with a bear. - If you anger it, cover your goodies and pray for mercy. Do this with both the hot woman and the bear. Posted by Warvel at 2:00 AM