| February 8, 2010 |
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 Speed dating is nothing. I invented speed relationships...probably because I'm a slow learner. I have to make the same mistake two or three or 100 times before I learn from it. The problem with slow learners is that once that light bulb finally does go off, you're very reluctant to ever make the same mistake again...ever. Let me explain. In high school I just knew I could be a great athlete if I worked hard enough and found the right sport. I worked hard but couldn't quite find the sport I shined at. In football I sat a lot on the bench...a lot. In track I fell a lot in the cinders. (That's what they had, boys and girls, before synthetic surfaces. Yeah, I know it was barbaric...and it hurt.) In swimming, well, I lasted one practice and threw up three times afterward, but I was starting to catch on. Still, it wasn't until I was almost out of college that I admitted to myself that sports just weren't for me...why keep trying if you get more frustration than enjoyment from it? Which brings us to relationships...I just knew I could be a great boyfriend/husband if I could find the right woman. So I dove into relationships with the same determination. I had a lot of them...a lot. I finally realized that I really sucked at being a significant other. I broke a lot of hearts and mine got broken a lot, too. So I finally had to admit that serious relationships just weren't for me. That's how speed relationships came to be. I guess I didn't really invent them. They just happened. Here's how it works. I meet or even just see a woman who I'm attracted to. It might be her looks, her sense of humor, her attitude...it doesn't matter. My mind goes, hey! She's neat. I should talk to her. Then my mind keeps going...it would be nice to have someone to hang out with...someone to share things with...exploring someone new is great...and the uh, "dancing" is always great...for a while...but then I'll be hearing about how I need to clean up my house and throw away my frayed shirts...and "do we have to have dead animal parts on the wall?" and my closet will suddenly get smaller and my snoring is annoying and "why do you want to spend so much time on the bike without me?" and "beer is more important to you than I am" and auuuuuuuuuughhhh! Let's just say for the sake of argument that whoever this woman is has just noticed me and even if she is interested and gives a little smile at that point, my mind has already decided it's not worth it. I just had our whole relationship in 60 seconds and she didn't even know it. Now that's speed. |
| Posted by Warvel at 10:00 AM |
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