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October 31, 2014
Things I've Learned

I was at the dentist yesterday getting a little oral surgery done. They were digging out what was left of a former root canal tooth after the tooth decided it no longer wanted to be a part of my mouth. I was all numbed up so it wasn't a big deal but at one point there was a loud "CRACK" noise and the dentist said, "Don't worry. It's fine." That was a much better response than the last time there was a "CRACK" noise in my mouth. That time a different dentist was struggling to get an impacted wisdom tooth out and when the tooth suddenly broke, he said, "Oh Sh**!" I had never heard a dentist say that before. Since there were tubes and fingers in my mouth at the time, I said, "Wuduya mean, oh th***!?" He said, "The tooth broke up and there's a very sharp shard just millimeters from puncturing an artery. Try not to breathe. There's a good chance you won't leave this office alive or if you do, you'll be in excruciating pain for weeks." Wow. That's way better than where this story was going. Everything was fine in both cases. See you Monday.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
October 29, 2014
Things I've Learned

It was on this date in 1682 that the founder of Pennsylvania, William Penn, landed at what is now Chester, PA. Can you imagine how much more fun this time of the year would be if Penn's cousin, William Tran, had landed here first?
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
October 28, 2014
Things I've Learned

If you have emphysema they still won't let you take Lamaze classes, even though you could use some help breathing.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
October 23, 2014
Things I've Learned

I thought I wanted a career...turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
October 20, 2014
Things I've Learned

For the last few days I've been chased by a herd of deer every where I've driven. I finally figured it out this morning in the parking ramp. The deer whistles I installed on my Jeep are backwards. No really. You can't write stuff online unless it's true.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
October 16, 2014
Things I've Learned

Today is National Boss Day. I had some good ones back in the day. The first one I had in radio was also the owner. He was......complex. Some days he would be yelling at you, inches away from your face with a big blood vessel bulging in his neck but the next day he might bark at you to get in his office and he'd pull out a bottle of Mother Murphy's Clam Broth and sit and wax poetic about the joy of radio and his experiences over the years. It's amazing how hard you'll happily work for someone...even if they push you that much...when you have genuine respect for them and know they actually care about you. I'll never forget the day he found out I had been secretly seeing his youngest daughter. I didn't think I'd be coming out of the office alive that day but instead he started treating me like the son he never had. Among other things, he told me I needed to get mad and yell more, like him, because it's better for your health. If I had married that girl I would have ended up with my own radio stations and be set for life. So take some time today and thank your boss if you're lucky enough to have a good one. But whatever you do, don't reminisce. It'll bum you out.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
October 14, 2014
Things I've Learned

An Illinois cow named Blosom has been dubbed the world's tallest cow by Guinness World Records. Blosom stands 6 feet, 4 inches and is the official greeter at Patty Hanson's farm. I think she's wasting her time. With her height, she should be playing basketball for the Cleveland CALFaliers. Get it? Ho ho! I gotta million of 'em! Moove over, Lebron.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
October 10, 2014
Things I've Learned

Not long ago more than two million Ace Bayou bean bag chairs were recalled because of the danger of children climbing inside and suffocating. I didn't realize bean bag chairs were still selling that much. I thought they had become relics of the past. Actually they should be banned altogether and take their place next to Jarts. If you're not old enough to remember Jarts, they were a yard dart game that consisted of throwing heavy, metal spears that resembled giant darts and trying to stick them in the lawn inside a circle. The problem was, some of them stuck in people's heads. I don't think bean bag chairs are quite as dangerous but at the very least they should never be sold to households with cats. To a cat, a bean bag chair is just a novel variation of a litter box. Not once, but twice when I was a boy, I plopped down in a bean bag chair that had become an unflushed cat pee toilet for my sisters' felines. It takes a second for your mind to wrap around the cold sensation on your butt that you don't usually experience sitting down, but once it does you quickly develop an aversion to cats and misshapen round chairs that are way too close to the floor. Seriously, why do we still have those? The chairs...not cats. God forbid I get all the crazy cat ladies fired up.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
October 7, 2014
Things I've Learned

So there's now an interim director of the Secret Service following the resignation of Julia Pierson. The new director is Joseph Clancy. Most recently he has been the director of corporate security for Comcast but he only took that post after retiring from the Secret Service. So rest easy America. He has already said if there's another intruder at the White House, they'll be there to deal with it...sometime between 2 and 5.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
October 6, 2014
Things I've Learned

Give a man a 20-dollar bill and he eats for a day. Teach a man how to make a twenty dollar bill and he eats for three to five years with time off for good behavior.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
October 2, 2014
Things I've Learned

I went wandering down the 'ol memory lane again today after reading about a couple who had been hiking in a state park and couldn't believe how many people they passed on the hiking trails who were SMOKING! OMG! It reminded me of the time I stopped to have a smoke during a cross country ski race. Trust me, that'll get you some looks, too. I was in one of the early Quad Games when Craig Latimer tried a media division with each station providing four different people for one the four events. I got volunteered for the ski race and only stopped for a cigarette break because that's how stupidly addicting that habit is. Come to think of it, that may have added to Latimer's decision to drop the media division. At any rate, it wasn't my proudest moment although I did beat all of the other media competitors in the race. (By "all" I mean maybe four others.) Of course, that was back in the days when I could actually do some strenuous activity without gasping for breath because there was a small elephant sitting on my chest. In other words, before I got emphysema from smoking. So kids, don't start. It's stupid and a tremendous waste of money. If you do smoke, stop now before it's too late.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
October 1, 2014
Things I've Learned

"It's who you know and what you know." - Harold P. Shaw

Sure, that's kind of obvious but it's a great quote in my book because Harold was a big rig driver from Rockingham, North Carolina who gave me a ride when I was hitch-hiking home from college in upstate New York. He's the only person who's ever offered to let me drive an 18-wheeler and that's got to count for something.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
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