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July 22, 2014
Things I've Learned

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but Kanye West is a genius, too, and he does it all the time so I just want to take a moment to point out that once again, I'm ahead of my time. I've hated vegetables for as long as I can remember and thank God I just knew that was the right thing to do. Dr. Charles Gerba (aka "Dr. Germ"), a professor of microbiology at the University of Arizona, says you might as well cut up your vegetables on a toilet seat because there aren't many things cleaner than a toilet seat when it comes to germs. Specifically, Gerba found there are 50 fecal bacteria per square inch on the average toilet seat but your kitchen cutting board has about 200 times more fecal bacteria on it than that. Ewwww! You vegetable eaters are icky. What the heck. I'm not afraid to say it. You vegetable eaters are potty mouths. Ewwww! No thank you. I'll stay away from the cootie-covered green beans and asparagus that you toilet seat choppers are eating and stick with the healthy food like chicken wings served in a Styrofoam, clamshell container that has been sanitized for my protection. FYI, those containers do decontaminate those little carrots and celery sticks so they're okay to eat as long as they swim first in a tiny tub of ranch or blue cheese.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
July 18, 2014
Things I've Learned

So a new species of water mite, recently discovered near Puerto Rico, has been named for Jennifer Lopez. Puhleese. That won't mean anything to her. No doubt she's still swooning that I've been referring to my motorcycle as Jennifer Lopez for years. That's because it's curvy in all the right places and has a big 'ol sexy rear end. At least I'm assuming someone must have told her about that by now. I wouldn't be surprised if she's done with all those younger guys and is planning to surprise me at Roar on the Shore. Sure, everyone else would be surprised but I guess they're not naturally optimistic like me.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
July 16, 2014
Things I've Learned

Sorry I haven't added anything lately. The work days got even longer and then I was gone for a week and that's all it took to make me forget my password to gain access to the Star 104 web site. I still can't remember it. To add insult to injury, they locked me out because I tried unsuccessfully more than three times. I feel like I got shut off. Come on, man...I only had three attempts. Maybe 4 or 5...tops. Don't judge me. You don't know me. I guess I'm going to have to give up my dream of becoming a hacker. The only reason I'm on right now is that Jessica let me borrow her user name and password. I'm glad the administrator didn't figure out I was using someone else's ID. They would have confiscated it and called my parents. So that's something new I've learned. You will get older but you won't necessarily grow up.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
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