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September 22, 2014
Things I've Learned

"The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers."

Dave Barry nailed that one.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
September 17, 2014
Things I've Learned

"If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around."
Will Rogers
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
September 16, 2014
Things I've Learned

If you haven't heard, Paris Hilton just bought one of the world's smallest Pomeranians from a Canadian dog-seller. The baby-doll faced pup, currently named Mr. Amazing, is only two-and-a-half inches tall and reportedly cost $13,000. If you want one for yourself, comedy writer Tim Hunter has passed along that they can be purchased at WhyTheTerroristsHateUs.org.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
September 15, 2014
Things I've Learned

So we got our Pick Your Purse contest underway...with a bunch of genuine designer handbags up for grabs. I suspect I'm like most men because my first reaction was...uh, okay. I don't understand why purses are a big deal and I don't understand why designer purses are so expensive. One of the ones we'll be giving away costs over a thousand dollars. Then I realized what a sweet opportunity this is for men. You don't have to understand it. All you have to do is snag one of these for your woman and you are the man! Brownie points out the wazoo! In the past I had girlfriends who would get me presents that they liked. Most involved trying to spiff me up and I ended up with never worn dress slacks in my closet. But there was one woman who got me stuff like a leather vest and one time...a spotlight bar for my motorcycle. Not sure what that is? It doesn't matter. I'm sure she didn't quite get why I wanted one so much or why it was expensive, but when I saw it I realized I had about the best girlfriend in the world. (Yeah, yeah. I wasn't smart enough to hang on to that and she's happily married now...like the others...but that's not the point.) The point is you'd better be trying to win one of these for your woman. Trust me. Opportunity is knocking. You've got it in the bag. Fine, I'll stop now.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
September 12, 2014
Things I've Learned

My favorite Albert Einstein quote:

"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
September 11, 2014
Things I've Learned

So I just read there are now pumpkin spiced Oreos. Did they pass a law that I missed that requires everything to taste like pumpkin at this time of the year? If so, they didn't do their homework. Didn't anyone consider all the people who had pumpkin pie instead of cake for their birthday when they were a kid and proceed to eat too much of it and then turn into a pumpkin spewing human volcano? Don't they understand that all of those people still get queasy from just a whiff of pumpkin anything? Perhaps we'd hear more about this problem if there wasn't such a stigma attached to it. Speaking of which, they have no idea how offensive those pumpkin hurling contests are.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
September 10, 2014
Things I've Learned

The clock is ticking. The exclusive internet presale of Trans-Siberian Orchestra tickets is over at 10pm tomorrow night. Just click on the TSO slide below and use the password, "Star." Do it. Do it now! Have you done it? What about now? It's okay. No pressure.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
September 9, 2014
Things I've Learned

Ooh. Tickets go on sale Friday for the November 14th Trans-Siberian Orchestra show in Erie but you can be part of an exclusive internet presale, compliments of me! All me! I'm doing this myself! Okay, actually it's compliments of Star 104 and all you have to do is click on the TSO slide below and use the password, "Star," from Wednesday at 10am until Thursday at 10pm. It's an all new show called "The Christmas Attic" and once again they're making Erie one of the very first stops on the tour....all because of me. I know people and set that up. All right, that's a lie, too. But I will be playing lead violin. I'll be the guy in the tux. Yeah, yeah. That's it!
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
September 9, 2014
Things I've Learned

I think we've all learned that it pays to listen to Star 104. A tradition in Erie is the holiday concert by Trans-Siberian Orchestra and this year it's an all new show called "The Christmas Attic." Once again, they're making Erie one of the very first stops on the tour on Friday, November 14th. Tickets go on sale this Friday, but you can be part of an exclusive internet presale, compliments of Star 104! Just click on the TSO slide below and use the password, "Star," from Wednesday at 10am until Thursday at 10pm. We'll see you there!
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
September 8, 2014
Things I've Learned

Wow. That Steelers/Browns game yesterday sure took me back to high school football. No one likes to hear a grown man talk about his teenage "glory years," but I can't help it. It all came rushing back when I saw Pittsburgh's Antonio Brown leap into the air on a punt return and smash his foot right into the face of Cleveland punter Spencer Lanning. I was involved in the same kind of athletic, adrenaline-fueled, power play myself. It happened on the final play of the final game of the season when they let all the scrub seniors on the field for a play or two since you're beating your cross town rivals 23-to-0. The only difference was that Lanning was falling backward when Brown shoved his cleats into his face and in my case I was aggressively diving in to save the shut out. Okay, it wasn't so much aggressive as it was just me tripping over my own feet and falling into the runner but my face was able to get caught up in his cleats enough to trip him up and from a distance, if you squinted, I have no doubt that it appeared I did it on purpose. Yep. Threw caution to the wind. We elite athletes are like that.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
September 5, 2014
Things I've Learned

I'm not after the glory or looking for any "thank you's," but I just stopped hackers from stealing naked photos from the cloud. I just posted mine up there. That'll teach 'em. There's some stuff you just can't un-see.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
September 3, 2014
Things I've Learned

Naked pictures of you can never leak online to embarrass, bully or come back to haunt you later in life if they don't exist.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
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