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April 18, 2014
Things I've Learned

SOMETIMES THE OLD STUFF IS BETTER THAN THE NEW STUFF. A PRIME EXAMPLE WOULD BE BASEBALL CARDS. TOPPS, THE BASEBALL CARD COMPANY, HAS INTRODUCED A NEW APP THAT ALLOWS FANS TO COLLECT DIGITAL BASEBALL CARDS ON THEIR PERSONAL DEVICES. TODAY'S YOUNGSTERS ARE BEING DENIED THEIR SMALL PLANK OF VERY HARD, INCREDIBLY DRY BUBBLE GUM AND THAT'S NOT EVEN THE WORST OF IT. I'M GUESSING THAT IF YOU STICK AN IPHONE IN YOUR BICYCLE SPOKES IT WON'T SOUND ANYTHING LIKE A MOTORCYCLE. I GUESS I'M GOING TO HAVE TO BORROW SOMEBODY ELSE'S IPHONE TO FIND OUT FOR SURE.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
April 16, 2014
Things I've Learned

After a lifetime of cause and effect...a longitudinal study, if you will...I've established that indecision is the key to flexibility. You don't have to adjust plans when you don't have any.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
April 15, 2014
Things I've Learned

If you're going to own a guard dog, here's an easy way to make him more efficient. Teach him to follow directions and put a sign on your front door that says he only responds to his name, "Bite Me."
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
April 14, 2014
Things I've Learned

Much of what I've learned over my life thus far is from living in the country. That's where you learn not to drink downstream from the herd. Knowledge like that can be applied to many aspects of life. For instance, when I see a herd of women, I tend to stay downwind so I don't spook them. Here's something else you city folk might not know. I'm sure everyone has seen a caterpillar but do you know what they call a baby caterpillar?

A kittypillar.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
April 9, 2014
Things I've Learned

You gotta make your own fun. Wouldn't it be cool if President Obama called the basketball teams of the University of Connecticut and yelled, "Yes, U Conn?"
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
April 8, 2014
Things I've Learned

Wow. I feel like an idiot. I don't have HBO anymore but I kept hearing about the hit show "Game of Thrones." I had assumed it was a reality show featuring a house with 20 people in it and only two bathrooms. Turns out I was way off.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
April 7, 2014
Things I've Learned

People look at you funny when you skip in public. I'm thinking of kicking it up a notch and doing my best dancing lemur imitation. I hadn't seen any video of dancing lemurs until this morning when I saw a piece on television about an IMAX movie that opens Friday called "Island of Lemurs: Madagascar." Google dancing lemurs...they're a hoot. Talk about dancing like no one's watching. While you're at it, visit the Erie Zoo. They've got some lemurs. Theirs don't boogie so much but they'll also make you smile.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
April 4, 2014
Things I've Learned

I don't want to live forever. I just want to live long enough to be a burden to my son.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
April 3, 2014
Things I've Learned

Dennis Miller taught me the importance of understanding politics with the right mind set when he said, "We need anything politically important rationed out like PEZ...small, sweet and coming out of a funny, plastic head."
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
April 2, 2014
Things I've Learned

Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
April 1, 2014
Things I've Learned

I don't know if I learned it or just assumed that a big or unfamilar word will make people dig a little and look things up. (See yesterday's post.) Good for you, you quidnuncs.
Posted by Warvel at 9:00 AM
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